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What Your Golf Ball Says About You

The most ridiculous current marketing tool by a golf industry company is the FootJoy labeling of golf socks as “left” and “right”. I wore them on the wrong feet and they worked fine. Second to this inanity (by the way I love their socks) is the current trend to be fitted for a golf ball. Historically, my golf ball fitting is directly related to the lost balls I find in the “native areas” at the La Costa Resort and Spa. If I find it, it fits (mostly my budget). This may be a bit of an overstatement. I begin my rounds as a golf ball snob until I lose two of my Pro V1’s. At that point, I will play anything to the finish. Generally, the Pinnacles or Top Flite’s I put in play feel different, but the score is the same. Having nothing on which to base my opinions here is what I think your ball says about you as a golfer.

Premium Balls: For those of us with indexes above 2, but aspire to greatness.

Titleist Pro V1 (my ball of choice): You are gullible and may overrate your golfing ability. Whatever the pros play is appropriate for you. Of course they are getting “comped” while you are subsidizing their corporate headquarters building in Carlsbad.

Titleist Other Models: You have many friends and family who know nothing about golf, but need to buy you something for Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. and Titleist has the best brand recognition.

Taylor Made Tour Preferred (formerly Lethal, formerly Penta): Just like Taylor Made changes the name every year, you change golf ball choices indiscriminately hoping a different ball will result in a lower score…it won’t.

Calloway SR 1, 2, or 3: (Also an ever-changing name.) You are prone to overanalyzing your game. C’mon, it’s the same golf ball.

Bridgestone B330: See Calloway. These guys are the original snake oil salesmen who convinced us the reason we cannot break 90 is spin rate.

All the rest: For those of you with a ball retriever and are not afraid to use it.

Top-flite (also known as Rock-flite): You are really cheap and do not care who knows it.

Pinnacle: You are really cheap, but care who knows it.

Nike (all brands): You have a man crush on Tiger.

Srixon: You are oblivious to the fact that Jim Furyk has switched to Calloway.

Wilson Staff: You are incredibly stubborn, or just found a dozen balls from the 1970’s sitting in your closet.

Maxfli: You are living in the 1970’s and still cannot believe they got rid of the Blue Max.

Noodle: You do not play golf.

Tommy Armour: You just have to be different.

Yellow balls (all brands): You crave attention. You probably also wear clothes that make Ian Poulter look dull. Either that or you only play balls you find.

Dirty, scuffed or waterlogged balls (all brands): You are really lazy, or have given up on the round and do not want the additional annoyance of losing a golf ball that matters.

Range balls: You are prone to kleptomania and/or are realistic enough to know you are likely to lose a dozen golf balls during a given round.

By Paul Laubach

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